Surviving the humps:)

On days like this, Im reminded of all the wonderful things I do have rather than the things i dont. I realize that everyday is a blessing and I should focus on the positive, rather than the hurt. Anything worth having is a challenge whether it's career, love, or friendships...I realize this everyday. Stay strong and "pull myself up by the bootstraps," good things will happen..thanks mom:)

It's easy to get off track and dwell on the things that are keeping you down, rather than the great things that are happening. Ive been presented with so many great opportunities and have just started my last prerequisite class to take while I wait to get accepted into PA school; however, things have been weighing heavily on my mind and heart lately. I guess when everything in your life is up in the air and unsettled, it's easy to get lost sometimes. When people you love and confide in are miles away, its hard to push through those days sometimes. From love, friends, school, and my future, I know these things will all work out for the best, yet its human to worry and hurt when things are still in remission. Between my accelerated 8 week class, full time work, and preparing for a move to a new state or out of the country, I know these next few months will keep me busy and distracted and will hopefully bring many new things. Ill know about PA school before you know it and then I can start to breathe again! Thanks to my amazing family, friends and God, I have been able to pull through these minor humps, but I know the things I want in life are things worth the struggle and the wait:) I just remind myself to take each day as a new fresh start and to enjoy this beautiful weather, try to breathe and relax; it always works out how it's supposed to. Enjoy this time as it is...it's for something big!

Romans 8:28, James 1:2-4

So excited to see my family the next 2 weekends!! yay!!:) I love all of you more than you know!

Girls Just wanna have fun!

Hello my lovely family! I cant believe spring has sprung! These past few months have been flying by so fast! Just an update on life because I know I cant always keep up with everyone but I have really appreciated all of the sweet and uplifting emails and calls from all my loved ones, it really means more than you will ever know and I cant tell you just how much all of your prayers, support and comments have helped  me. I've definitely been a little impatient with my life lately, but I have been praying for strength and guidance probably more than I ever have before. I know its a very pivotal time in my life and I want to make sure I make the right decisions for myself. God has definitely been separating me from others, i think he still wants me to just be still and listen. I guess sometimes space can be a good thing even though its difficult. Ive been reading more than I think I ever have in my life recently. I guess when I have down time throughout the day and at night it helps me relax and find some peace. I just started reading "The Kite Runner," and I love it! Ive become very fascinated with the middle eastern culture since India and I realized I was very ignorant so Im digging further into the unknown:) Mary and I have become new roomies:) Its a temporary situation until I know the next step in my life as far as school and location goes. Its been a great transition to be a little closer with friends and have some much needed girl time. You forget how truly important is to have great friends that really do care; not just a selfish, superficial friendship. Mary has proven to be one amazing, uplifting and trustworthy friend that I could have ever asked for, especially in these past few months when things have been trying at times and I just needed a good shoulder to cry on and to make me laugh. Oh, and cant forget...to share a jar of pickles with. Ive been surrounding myself with positive strong friends and family that have really kept me grounded and happy. Im seeing the true value in a good relationship, not just the quantity of friends but the quality. I had my first girls night in forever last night with Mary and a few girls from work! We went to a karakoee bar and had a blast! I definitely belted out some tunes! My class starts tomorrow and will end May 13, then hopefully after that, I will now about school and I can start my new beginnings in a new town or a new country possibly:) I should have my interview in Tampa in late April! We will see...something new and wonderful approaches every day and I can thank none other than God. Yes, there are days that i get a little emotional but there's this amazing peace and strength that i've recently discovered on a different level than ive ever experienced before. I think it's al of my families prayers! Even though we are unsure of the unknown, if our heart tells us something, we should listen. Im listening more with my heart lately instead of over thinking too much. I have certain things I want to be committed to or people I want to be able to trust me and ive found that i am the person i was raised to be, all the other obstacles that tripped me along the way have become smaller and smaller and is something i have been able to strongly push through. Theres alot inside I will always have and I look to that for strength. God truly has covered me with love and filled my heart when it was broken. I love you all and Ill see you all at Easter (hopefully)!! I cant wait to squeeze my little Hayden cheeks:))

Another thing, ive gained like 7 pounds!! what is wrong with me?? haha....actually i feel like a big kid now! haha..thanks to all that ice cream and indian carbs:)

ps...Bob has been really sick for going on 10 days now; ever since he returned from Haiti. Ive been making sure he was ok everyday and helping him out since Cman is gone on spring break but I just wanted to tell everyone to keep him in your prayers, it was pretty scary! He's doing alot better now!

my little angel:) sisters day out in dallas!

Mary and I about to strut our karaokee skills

Girls Night Out!

"It helps to remember that hidden within every obstacle is a treasure to behold...your heart is wiser than you know"...still havent let go:)

My love:) Dallas Arboretum

Loo at the Zoo:)

This weekend, my sister and my 9 month old niece, Hayden, came to visit me in Texas:) We went to the Fort Worth Zoo today and I think it was the most fun Ive had in awhile. Hayden kept me laughing every minute with her silly faces and jibber jabber. It was her first time to the zoo and she LOVED all the animals! Her favorite animals were the giraffes and the monkeys. We taught her how to make a monkey sound and when we asked her "how do the gorillas go?" and she pooched her lips out and lowered her eyebrows and said " hoohooho" we about died! haha...she's the absolute cutest little chunky monkey out there. If I have kids one day, I hope they are just like her...too cute! I picked up Christian and brought him too because he is on spring break and he never does anything like this so we thought he's have a great time and he did! He helped alot with Hayden too...it was so sweet.

This is the first time my sister and her husband Justin have been away from each other since they had Hayden so he was pretty sad. I almost threw up at how mushy and lovey they were on the phone today but then I thought about how happy I am for them. My sister truly is the most amazing mom ever. It's so crazy to see how she has evolved into this amazing young woman and incredible mother. I can only hope that one day when I have a family of my own,  I can be half the mother she is and have the type of marriage she has with Justin. They are so cute! Its great to be able to spend time with them because Im farther from my family now, and sometimes i just miss them so much, especially lately since Ive been separated from everyone I love and at times, that has been very hard for me. It can feel quite lonely but its great that I have a lot of positive things going on that keep me busy. Im still waiting to get things settled with PA school and other mission/volunteer opportunities....so much to keep me focused on and keep my mind off things!! There are so many great things to be done and good times to be had:)

Enjoy the pics!! Hayden is a cutie!! Love you all!!

Updates

Im back in the states now and have been for almost a week:( Im glad to be back to see family but to be honest, I am a little restless. I really want to be back in India; however, I felt like I needed to come back to figure out school and see where I was going to get into PA school, as well as tie up some other things at home. Everytime I tell anyone about India, I start to cry. I have just never been moved like this before, even a week after, I still feel everything so strongly. I have a meeting this week about my opportunity in Sierra Leone and another with someone for an opportunity in Afghanistan; however, i feel that the Middle Eastern job is not safe at this point and will probably just keep it on the back burner. When I was about to leave India, I was almost going to extend my stay for longer and then I just fet as if I needed to come back home and sort some things out and I did. Since I got back, I had a call about an interview for the PA school in Tampa at South University! Im excited! it all happened for a reason because if I wouldve stayed longer I would have missed the interview, so as of now until May, I will be staying in TX and finishing up one class I need that starts 3/22 and working as much as possible to save some money. I finally have a car!! yay!! Also, Im living with Mary now, well just being her bedroom roomate:) haha.. Since I only need a place for 3 months, a 3 mo lease is too short to sign so Im staying  with Mary until I know the next steps of where Ill be going as far as school and travels. I love TX but Im very excited at the possibility at a new adventure and a fresh start. Im going through some changes and needless to say, its difficult and at times, a little emotional but Im so very happy and hopeful at what the future will bring. My heart has been pretty heavy lately with everything but I know that things will work out how they are supposed to and I think I have finally found some peace and comfort in knowing that I cant control anything anymore. I just have to live life and take it a day at a time and have faith. I have really understood what it means to be still recently and Im trying to listen more. I have such a strong pull towards a few things in my life and Im waiting to see where the next step leads me. I have a bracelet on my right hand that a loved one gave me and I havent taken it off since then. Everyday I look at it it reminds me that there is good to come and just to be hopeful and have faith of whatever comes in my path. I have really gained alot of strength this past month through my experiences and I think I finally feel like I can accomplish alot of the things I am passionate about. My goal for the next however long is to continue to make things on my "List" disappear and to continue to just work on myself and stay true to my path:)

Sometimes, I wish I was back on the mountain so i could just breathe the fresh air and be surrounded by peace and beauty. I think that was the most at peace I had felt in so long. I have some amazing, unforgettable memories of that trip:)

WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE, WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

The School for the Blind

Yesterday, Mary and I went to the School for the Blind. I cant put into word what this experience did to me. I've never been around a blind person, let alone 200 blind children. The minute we walked through the doors, we were able to go to each classroom and just visit and greet the kids. The first child I encountered was an Albino little boy that was about 6 years old. He actually came to me out of a crowd and immediately grabbed my hand and started feeling my nails, fingers, arm, my bracelet and he didn't miss a line or crease in my hand. As odd as this sounds, it was such a spiritually moving experience and tears just fell from my face. He started smiling the minute he touched my hand and he told me his name while he spoke very broken English and Hindi. I think what upset me so much was just the simple beauty of him trying to figure out who I was. Although he couldn't see, his hands are his eyes. These kids experience things we could never experience because we cant see past a certain point. When you only have your hands, all of your other senses immediately come into play so you are more open to the feelings, the sounds, etc. These kids can read a person and tell if they have a gentle or cold spirit and they sense it immediately. It was just so amazing to see that firsthand and see how they helped each other. Imagine if you couldn't see. Close your eyes and think of what your world would look like. Would it still be colorful, would it be dark, would it be happy? Maybe if we tried to feel a little more, go beyond what the eyes see, we may see the world with a whole new pair of eyes.

Another heart wrenching moment for me this day was when a girl, about 11, grabbed my hand and never let go, the entire day she was glued to my hip. She just took to me and I was so moved by her beauty. She had this smile that I haven't seen in a long time. Just so pure and innocent and so bright. She couldn't speak english so we often had to read each others movements and sounds to understand what each were trying to say. She told the translator to tell me to sing a song...I immediateley got embarassed but I knew that could be something special for her so I just started singing old songs that I remembered from growing up in church. When I started singing the girls and a few of her friends just started crowding around and smiling and clapping. At first, I felt retarded because I get shy when I am put on the spot to sing for anyone but it was so fun and really helped me be able to open up and be silly with all of them. When it was their turn to sing a song, they sang a few Hindi songs and then all of sudden the entire class broke out an old hymn, one I hadn't heard in 10 years and one that my great grandmother always sang to me when I was young. "This is the day, this is the day that the Lord hath made...I will rejoice, I will rejoice and be glad in it..." I just lost it. I think I felt like grandma was with me that exact moment and how everything was circling back around in my life. I feel that a lot of where my soft heart and passion for missions comes from is her. After all, she was the one that started taking me to nursing homes and to visit sick people when I was 2 years old. I think she planted a seed in me, one I never imagined would grow how it has today. She always sang songs to me and that one particular song was a special one. I just couldn't believe out of every song they chose that one. I had such an overwhelming sense of peace come over me that day. I was also reminded of the words of that song and was extremely humbled; how a blind child can still have so much happiness and joy and be under such difficult circumstances. Many of us, including myself, need to rethink what makes us happy and cling to that. It's those simple moments on this trip that i've just cherished more than anything and have been little reminders for me to get back to my roots and have helped me understand why God has placed these certain things in my heart and on my path. It's just crazy how things at one point or another, no matter how old you may be, come around and just click. We all have that point when we finally get it...this was mine.

Later that day, I just grabbed the girls hands and started dancing with them and jumping around and I taught them a few swing dances:) I felt so horrible because I had two girls dancing at once and I had one on each arm as I was dipping them. I brought them back up and slammed their heads into each other! All 3 of us just laughed but I felt so bad! Those poor little girls thought I was going to be able to direct them when they couldn't see and i just slammed their heads together..haha...they laughed so I felt ok to laugh too:)

Overall, this day was very emotional and inspiring all at the same time, much like this entire trip. I know the memories of these kids smiles and joy will be with me forever. I'm so blessed to have been able to give pieces of my joy to them. We depart tonight for our long journey back home, although bittersweet, I have so much to think about and to pray about. Im really trying to listen to God on these next few big decisions I have to make for my future. This has helped me gain so much clarity on a lot of questions, doubts, issues, etc that I've been struggling with and for that I am forever grateful for this opportunity. I am also very excited to be able to share this with so many that I love. I hope it brings them as much joy as it has me this past month. It means so much that you've allowed me to share my experiences and thoughts throughout this trip. Plus, I got some great little treats for everyone! I cant wait to give them to you!!

I love you all so much and I cant wait to get a million hugs!! Pray for our safe travels and we will see you in a few days! (I cant wait to eat pickles!!) haha

Puri adventures, etc....bittersweet

Our 3 week long trip is coming to an end and it is bittersweet:( I am so excited to see my family; however, I am so attached and connected to this place in more ways than one and I am sad to leave. I just feel a tug at my spirit for the work I feel I can help do here. I have so many ideas and inspirations and I def initely plan on coming back. I am praying about March/april to come back for 2 months to mentor the girls in Sarampore at the Hope House and live with them while Jean has to leave for the new Visa regulations here in India. Mary and I have both been so deeply moved in a way I dont think we can explain in a blog or even pictures. We had the best talk today about how this has truly changed us and planted something in us that we have never felt before. I have done several mission trips and travelled internationally in recent years; however, this trip, for some reason has really pushed me over the edge and has opened so many doors. Ive gotten alot of answers here that i'd been searching for for so long. I realiz everyone in this world has something special planted inside, when we cross paths with other people with those similar passions and gifts, the fire spreads and those things grow. For me, this trip has done that. Ive met so many incredible young people and adults alike that have just given me even more confidence to do what I feel Ive always meant to do and I want to stay true to that from now on; to who I truly am, where my heart is and to use the gifts God has given me. Its still difficult to see exactlty where and what I should do with them, but everyday I feel something stronger towards a certain area or mission. Id like to commit to one and make something here my project, to truly make great changes that can positively impact or inspire others. When I return back to the states, I will be given several options all of which I have to think about and pray about. Its actually very overwhelming and all prayers are appreciated:) Theres an amazing organization called "Forgotten Diamonds" in Sierra Leone, Africa for literacy and Aids and Ive been contacted about running their orphanage and literacy program while the founder continues funding and her documentary project back in the states for 2 months. She's an incredible woman who has inspired me to start the beginnings of starting my own organization, which im brainstorming currently:) Ive also been asked to help with a school, refugee camp, and clinic in an area outside Kabul, Afghanistan which for some reason, this area keeps tugging at me as well but with safety as an issue, its something I really want to think about. Uncle Bob has also asked me to return to Haiti with him when I get back and mentioned that "Danita's House" for Orphans could possibly need someone to help in their orphanage as well for long term. The other big opportunities are the ones in India of course, things I have already started to lay a foundation with and things I feel very connected with. Im just waiting on a few things to confirm PA school. I have 2 schools left. South University in Tampa, which starts in Jan 2011 or Nova Southwestern in Jacksonville, FL which starts in June 2010. As you can see, thats a huge gap of time to wait and Im just a little anxious to see which one I get into so I can know which steps to take next. I guess Im getting  a little antsy. I wont know anything until probably april. I know God has a perfect time and reason for things and I need to just relax but I am just so excited about all these possibilities and if you cant tell yet, I have fallen in love with mission/humanitarian work so I like to be involved as much as I can. I know my "home is where the heart is" which is my family and TX has been an incredible opportunity and growing experience for me, but I still havent truly connected anywhere as much as I have when Im out of the country doing what Im blessed to do, so for me to go back is going to be bittersweet for me. I know Mary and I are both very antsy to see and talk with our families; we have so much we want to share. Im so glad Mary and I were able to reconnect through this trip and Im glad she took a chance and decided to go with me:) I dont think it would've been the same without her. Too many laughs, tears, mosquito bites, and silly stories we will never forget:) Its an incredible gift to have friends that truly share your passions and that you can trust and lean on in times as these. I thank God for these friends and my incredibly supportive and encouraging family. I know Ive probably given my parents and grandparents so many strokes just by worrying about all my travels and my safety and I know its hard for them to let me get out there in that big 'ol world and just let go, but they have and thats the best lesson and gift they have ever given me. Im so incredibly inspired right now by so many things and Im refreshed and renewed spiritually and emotionally. I know these next few months are going to be difficult for me for many reasons but I know I have a great support system and Im so grateful for that.

Mary and I will be going to Prem Dan and the Blind School again tomorrow and finishing up our patient stories in our last few days, so we will post more soon. Puri was amazing and was a great place to relax, enjoy each other, be silly, talk about our trip and our future goals, be inspired, eat great food, stick our toes in the sand, see camels, and just be the goofy people we are:) We made some great connections with Phillip's organization and Im currently working on ideas for a huge fundraiser in TX and in my hometown to raise funds for their cause and hopefully be able to come back to help at the Dream Center. I have TONS of pics on Facebook of our Puri trip but i put a few on the blog:)

A Few highlights from Puri:

-Mary got 66 mosquito bites (we counted all of them)
-Mary was taking pics of the beach dogs and one chased her and almost attacked her!!
-I saw a man drop his pants and poop on the beach right in front of me and then kick it into the ocean...ewww
-There were cows EVERYWHERE!! we named all of our neighboorhood cows:)
-A crazy HIndi man came up to us on the beach, threw water on us, and chanted some Hindi prayer...so we probably have some crazy curse on us now..haha....jk...but really, it was wierd
-We watched "what happens in Vegas 4 times" hahaha
-All the kids from the "Dream Center" and AG school/orphanage attacked us and gave us huge bear hugs for hours and we played with them:) such an amazing experience, so sweett
-We saw the Sun Temple in Konark...amazing structure...incredible
-We went to a small village on the beach and Mary and I both spoke to over 100 villagers on a personal devotion and testimony we had in our heart, we were translated into the native language
-In that same village (Chandrabagha), we were invited to eat the village food (huge no no for Americans), we didnt want to offend them, so we obliged...I ate chicken organs...with my hands...ewww
-Mary swallowed a fish bone
-I swallowed an entire chicken lung

-I drank out of a coconut and ate the meat, it was gross
-We saw the cutest, tiniest woman ever...she had the "oompa lompa" shrunken voice and we just wanted to squeeze her
-Our train ride there and back...enough said, that was an experience on its own
-I got yelled at by an Indian woman...in bangali...i have no idea why
-We saw a camel;)...and he didnt spit:)
-Many, Many more fun stories we will tell in person...it was great!!


ps...do you ever notice how Indians bobble their heads when they answer you a yes/no question? its confusing...watch next time you see a true Indian and see if they do it..so wierd