A long one, sorry...thank you emotions:)

Hello all! I just wanted to thank you for all of your support and your beautiful words. Sometimes you dont really realize how you can affect others and it means so much to hear what you all have said. I know I can be in my own world sometimes and I dont always see what I do. I know that God has put something in my heart, a burning, passionate spirit for helping others. I may not be good at alot of things, but this is one thing that I have. Its not always easy to get out of your comfort level or your box and reach out to complete strangers and it does come with certain sacrifices, like spending less time with your own family. I know that my family loves me very much and is so supportive of the things I want to do in my life, eventhough they may seem so ridiculous or unpractical to the norm at times. I dont know why I want these things, but I cant help how I feel. I know that I want to do medical missions and as I wait to see where i get into school, I know that this is what Im supposed to be doing in the meantime. This particular experience for some reason is really effecting me in a different way. Ive been blessed to be able to do some amazing travels in some very poor areas, but this just touches me so much deeper. It may be because this area is communist, or primarily Hindu/Muslim so you cant talk openly in public or to locals about God. Ive never had that before. It may also be because there is a huge Red light district just minutes from here with over 10,000 prostitutes in less than a few square miles. The girls are as young as 6. With their faces caked with heavy makeup and their taunting looks, you wonder what makes them not run away from this life. You can feel pure heavy, evil in this place and it so haunting when you look into a sweet childs eyes and see nothing but evil. This is something ive never heard of before or experienced. There are also Russian women here that are here for temporary work. The sad thing is, these girls have nothing else to live for, this is their life, everyday they wake up and do the same thing but the worst part is alot of their parents are in their lives and want them to do this so they can make money for their family. In fact, hey are almost right their with them, shewing them along to go get customers as they watch their daughter continually loose her innocence or whatever is left of it. This is so foreign to me and i dont know how to handle it emotionally. Most of us wonder, why cant they just stop or why wont someone help them, why would any mother let their child do that, or how can a man sleep with a 6 year old? I asked all these things and the only answers I got were, "Thats just how it is." This is life for them and its all they know, they have no choice for a better life because of money and no education. This makes me so angry inside and for all the innocence lost and the times that these girls wont be able to enjoy just being a little girl. I also see that everyone is numb to it so its just understood as normal and theres no difference. This really makes me want to start some sort of prostitute rescue center for women and especially the children here. There is a ministry called Project rescue that does this that i would like to work with. I am going to try and meet with them while im here. I feel very helpless and its hard to think that we this goes on in the normality of their life and theres not alot you can do about it excpet ignore it. Im not so sure that this is possible for me. Just please pray for these girls to be released of this lifestyle somehow.

I know if my great grandmother were alive today, she would tell me to just pour my love on everyone. Just love and smile and thats all you can do besides pray. Thats what I am doing and these people have given me more than I could ever give them back. It is funny how we go through so many phases, changes, and up and downs in our lives. I think Im the poster child. Ive had so many ups and downs and changes and lessons learned, its ridiculous but Im so glad that I have because I dont think i'd be open to these things. I dont think i would care as much and i certainly dont think I would've had this desire to actually make this apart of my own life. Most of my life, I have never been alone, Ive always been afraid to be alone. Ive recently made so many decisions to make positive changes in my life for myself and for my life. I am using these experiences to hopefully positively change someones life or atleast make them smile. Smiling and laughter are so powerful. I saw that yesterday when i did the feeding stations int he rural areas. Mary and I couldnt hold the tears back when we saw the faces of the hundreds of kids that lines up to get their ONE meal of the day. They were shy at first, but you know me, Im goofy so I just started being silly and taking pictures and then I would show them to the kids and they just started to brighten up and smile and laugh and that simple moment just broke my heart because they have nothing and we have everything and yet so many of us are so unsatisfied. These people still have so much to live for and are so beautiful in the face of so much adversity. It just inspired me so much to be a more less dramatic, positive, happy person and let the small stuff roll off, to appreciate more and to complain less because I may not have as much as others compared to back in the states but i have alot more than I need and i was quickly reminded of that. God doesnt bless us with material things so we can be fulfilled and happy, he wants us to see the things we already have within us and to be happy with simply that. I am so proud of my country but sometimes I look at how we do things and how we are as Americans and it absolutely disgusts me. I just wish people could understand and experience these sorts of things; however, I am a realistic person and I know that that will probably never change. I only hope that I can be a good example to my friends and my family and live a better life and try not to get so caught up in the small things, yet i am human. Anyways, im sorry for the depth of that, I just got a little carried away and i cant help but to get a little emotional through all of this. I wish I could just make everything better as cheezy as that sounds but I truly believe one person can make small changes and if those small changes are seen, people can be inspired to spread the good and pay it forward. I love you all so incredibly much and again, thanks for all your words and support.

In brief, Mary and I are going to the sister of charity today for the Blind school, Leapers, and the Death and Dying. We will visit all these areas to help in any way we can and then we start the work at the hospital (pediatric ward) on Monday.

On a positive note, Mary and I took a little adventure yesterday:)We walked down the main street and found some great little shops with beautiful clothes and scarves. We also found a Baskin Robbins:) haha! Mary and I stayed up until 1am talking about old times and different phases of our lives, it was so funny to see how we have both had so many different changes and been through alot but we have remained great friends. Im so thankful to have her in my life as a friend and this experience has made us grow closer. Please keep Mary and her family in your prayers because they have had a very difficult year loosing their dad, grandmother, and now her cousin to cancer. She is very strong and this experience has really helped strenghten her faith. Sorry again for running on but I had alot on my mind...haha! Thank you again for your love and I will post more soon! Enjoy the pics (thank you pete for your amazing camera!) I miss you so very much