Slum kids

Last night, Mary, Geraldine, Josh (volunteer from Winchester) and I went out to the markets and stores and to eat dinner around Kolkata. At night everything comes alive, as if its not already crowded and loud enough, but there's so much life at night. We bought a few souvineers at the market and then decided to go eat somewhere. As we came out of the market, there was a group of about 6 slum kids that came up to us and asked for food and money, or anything. They were all very dirty, no shoes, tatered clothing, many had scars and bruises on their faces and body and just looked very sad. The main girl had a box of toys she was trying to sell. Geraldine, who has been here longer, knew this girl because she apparently always feeds her when she sees her on the streets, so the little girl recognizes Geraldine and will go up to her. Geraldine and I went up to this street vendor and bought 6 chicken fried rices for the kids. We had already ordered them when the little girl(she seemed to be the ring leader) came up and bought another kid and said one more (she knew 5 languages because of her begging from tourists, so she spoke english). I went ahead and ordered 3 more just because I had a feeling more kids would show up. They did, the list finally came to about 9. Once we got the food, I went over to start passing it out and at that point, there had already been 3 more kids that were using their hands and mouth to say "food please." I had already ordered and received the food at that point and Geraldine said that we shouldn't order anymore because it would never end, more kids would come. When I started to pass out the food, the kids started grabbing at me and crowding around. A few adults tried to take the food from the kids; however, an elderly beggar woman yelled at them; she was protecting the kids. I just lost it. I saw 3 other kids who didn't get food bought for them. They just looked at me with the worst look on their faces. It killed me that I couldn't go back and just buy 3 more plates of food. Geraldine grabbed my arm and pulled me from the crowd and we hurried away because the small circle was growing and it was drawing attention. As we walked away, I just started balling. I dont know why, I was just overcome with emotion and I felt horrible that some of those kids got left out and I knew they probably wouldn't share with each other. Geraldine told me that they get fed all the time by tourists and that they would be ok because that was just life for them and they needed to go to school and realize they wouldnt always be taken care of this way and try to start a life of their own instead of begging. As harsh at that sounded to me, she was right but it was still haunting to see the looks in their eyes and to think that these kids may not have a meal everyday. I know Ive been on a lot of mission trips to other countries like Africa and Guatemala where the circumstances are the same; however, this was a different experience for me because I had never had that many kids at once so desperate and so persistent just grab me and beg. Kolkata is a huge city and I've just never experienced that type of desperation right up front, first hand. It's everywhere, every day, every night. We also helped a woman in the street yesterday, her toe was so infected and looked really bad. We told her there was a hospital that would treat it for free (mercy clinic). She didnt want to leave her area because she couldnt really walk but we eventually talked her into it and got her in a cab and Gene (the volunteer, like our mom) took her to the clinic and helped her with treatment. There are endless stories like this everyday that we encounter and Im just overwhelmed with so many emotions. I know everything cant change and i know its life and theres nothing I can do about it, but why is it so wrong to try and do one little thing here and there, why doesnt anyone else feel this way? Have we gotten so numb and desensitized to these things that we just dont care anymore, and its all just accepted? If more of us felt this way maybe we wouldnt have these problems, I dont know. Why is it that we have such class segregation between the really rich and the extremely poor? Is it greed, religion, politics? What makes poverty? That is something I'm trying to observe and learn while I'm here; what is it that could possibly change these issues with an entire generation to come. What can I possibly do as one person to make some sort of change? These are my thoughts everyday, evernight and when I wake up in the morning. Im praying so much for guidance and strength from God because I honestly am hurting so much inside from this place. My heart aches and I feel a litle hopeless. Please just pray for this place. I love you all and I'll post more soon.